Sunday, January 29, 2012

Hard Lessons I

***


My father told me

My father told me
that I should not let it go.
My father told me
that I should stand up
for what I believe in.
My father told me
not to let people step
all over me.

My father taught me
not to trust anybody.
My father taught me
that if someone gave me a fish,
it could be a chicken.

My father taught me
I have be above everyone.
My father told me
I had to demand respect.
My father taught me
to put a fierce face at work.
My father told me
I must never have a soft hand.

My father told me
I will lose these friends I have
My father told me
I was to walk away from them
before anyone takes me for a ride.

I tired of listening to my father.
I'm tired to blaming it on him
and repeating his lessons in my head.
My father -- I should visit his grave
and remind myself that he's long dead.


***

My father did the best he could with what he had. I have come to realise that although he was a harsh disciplinarian, that he did it out of the love that he knew how to give. I've always hated that people compared me with my father, especially the temper. It's true, I learned it off him. And now I must come to understand that is not how it is. that I don't need to continue that kind of legacy. Life is journey, life teaches us things without sorting out for us what we should take from it. I've picked up a lot of bad habits to be where I am now, that is what I must come to understand and to turn around.


(Comments now disabled for this post. Thanks for reading, friends.)

8 comments:

Daydreamertoo said...

Awww.. if your father only knew one way to be, that was his burden not yours. The past makes us, but, it doesn't have to shape us. You are not your father and you are aware of those things he did and made you do. But, because you are so aware, you can use some good self discipline to not continue making the same mistakes. You are the director and producer of the movie of your life, everything that happens can be exactly as you wish for it to be. The fact that you know there are things you need to work on are the signs that you won't let history repeat.
Lovely write.
My step father was an over bearing bully and abuser too. So, I feel this.

nene said...

wonderful piece, wonderful lesson learned. I used to lament that I never knew my father (abandoned) and resented it but as a result of this became my own man.

Fred Rutherford said...

Some great reflection there in your poem but you carried it over with much depth in your notes below. Really agree with you here. We do pick up things from our parents, even if it's things we wish we hadn't, I see it day by day, and shake my head, but at the end of the day, I'm somehow really glad that it's this way. But moving forward and having the is what is attitude I endorse completely. Great job here. Thanks

Ravenblack said...

Daydreamer, nene and Fred: Thanks for the kind words and encouragement, dear friends.

Raven said...

And guess what my friend Ravenblack you can do it. Your battle is already half won by sharing what you have shared here. You can do anything. Our parents (and mine came from hell) do not only leave us bad or painful memories. But she we decide to "feel" deeply we get to feel the good that they did.

My father was the love of my life ... that love was yanked away at 6 or so years of age and replaced with harsh discipline. Finally at the age of heck somewhere in my early 60s I felt the depth of his love for me (and he was diseased). I know unequivocally that it was WWII that did it. You will get there because you wish to do so.

Ravenblack said...

Thanks Raven. I really appreciate it. I will keep on the journey.

Pat Hatt said...

Yeah just that you made this realization, you've already taken the first step to shedding the habits you don't want. Great reflective piece.

Ravenblack said...

Thank you, Pat.