Saturday, March 10, 2012

Not everyone likes going to the park

****

Displacement

All about after a drizzle,
purple blooms wild along
muddy footpaths emit
inviting sweet smells;

a big buzzing black wasp
displaces a bumble bee,
rapid beating wing blades
ripping up petals entirely.

A man displaces black wasp,
his lively wife trails after
with eyes sparkling clear as
the cool reservoir water,

says "how beautiful this place --
would be perfect for a picture."

Without pause, he tramples on,
mumbling,
                "Just walk. Just walk."


****

True story. I guess he didn't really want to be there.

Attempting a kind of rhythm but it's not something I do well.

9 comments:

Fred Rutherford said...

Raven, really enjoyed this. Love how you not only painted a natureesque scene where there are three level of interactions going on, thought that was really cool, but also the ending so easily moves the story into a different interaction altogether- great job. Thanks

Ravenblack said...

:) Cheers to you, Fred.

dsnake1 said...

yeah, i think i have seen this type of people (the man) who thinks going to the park to exercise is a good thing (it is). but he should slow down while there and connect a while with nature. every leaf is beautiful, every colour of petals is bright. i once encountered a monitor lizard at a bike trail, which shows that in our highly urbanized land, nature can be pretty varied.

umm, about the rhythm, well, you got the story across clearly. :)

Ravenblack said...

haha. :) Well improvements next time, I hope. :D

I think if you enjoy the sights, exercise wouldn't be such a chore. I go to the park and walk at a normal pace. Other forms -- eat right, use the stairs, walk to your destination wherever you can. I don't believe running is necessarily good for everyone, seeing how some huff and puff in such anguish, looking like they might faint.

Raven said...

Oh Ravenblack this is a lovely ... well and sad picture that you have painted and it does have a cadence all its own ... pretty much created by "his" footsteps.

chromapoesy.com said...

This ties so nicely into the brick poem I just read by Brian. We sacrifice so much for control; lose so much by not being present. Nature can be a painful reminder for some. It's wonderful to be reading your wise words again.

Ravenblack said...

I don't think he even noticed that wasp there. Isn't he lucky the wasp didn't decide to give him a sharp lesson about walking in nature. :D

Thanks for your visit and comments, Raven and Anna.

Daydreamertoo said...

LOL
Enjoyed this a lot. We're so looking forward to spring arriving but, we also know that it brings all the pesky bugs that bite too. Can't win!
Great piece, I thought it flowed well. :)

Ravenblack said...

Thanks Daydreamer. :)