Tuesday, October 18, 2011

A manner of definition

***

Grasshoppers

Severed blades of grass
blended green
assaults olfactory
brushes;

a pair of mynahs
partners in life
searching for
         
              grasshoppers;

grey-wing moths,    
flutter above cut
lawn.

A calico
mound of fur,
          razor claws
(hidden)
under paws,
hoping for

     grass hoppers.


***


This one is submitted to dVerse Open Link Night #14 -- Join us for some fantastic finds and reads.

33 comments:

Fred said...

Nice there's like steps in this piece, almost like a three act structure. Severed blades of grass blended green assaults olfactory- love that intro and the (hidden) under paws- great end. Thanks, fun read

Ravenblack said...

Thanks for the comment and feedback, Fred. :)

The Old Raven said...

This is sweetly done. I can just see this cats paws as they clench. And her face is sort of shuddering while her teeth do that shiver thing.

Daydreamertoo said...

Clver, crafty cat :)
Very nice, tight, light read.

chromapoesy.com said...

Yes, this is delightful and tight as a drum. Great structure and precise language draw the picture so well. Also, I look and see I need to catch up on your Flickr posts :). My husband preordered Skyrim for my birthday, I'm sure it's on your play list.

Mark Kerstetter said...

This is almost like a Cubist snapshot, with the correspondences between wings, blades and claws, the hidden and the exposed, hunter and prey. Soon, one suspects, that mound of fur will go hopping over the grass to strike and slash.

Ravenblack said...

Old Raven, Daydreamer, Anna and Mark, thanks for the comments and feedback. :)


Old Raven: I know what you mean. :) It's almost like they are already tasting it. :D

Anna: Yeah you're right. I'm so looking forward to that game next month. :)

Sheila Moore said...

oh I can just picture it all. esp those moths flying out of the grass as it is cut - I hate that!

Brian Miller said...

ha...i can def see my cat in this...i agree with mark the approach on this is very effective with the various images...nicely done...

jackie dick said...

Never was a grasshopper more grasshoppery or a cat more cattery. I can see it all! Good write!

Ravenblack said...

Sheila, Brian and Jackie -- thanks for the comments, much appreciated. :) I'm glad you folks could see it.

turtlememoir said...

Spare, a sensual feast, it all fits - I like this kind of writing and you do it well.

Claudia said...

wow - such a vivid picture you paint with these few words...a snapshot of the moment..i also like the rhythm this poem has...underlines the scene

gautami tripathy said...

Loved this grasshopper poem!

Razor claws!!

a cross

Laurie Kolp said...

Lovely images, beautiful poem.

Victoria said...

You involved the sense of smell and that just makes me a part of the scene. Nicely done.

hedgewitch said...

Nature is red in tooth and claw, as the saying goes--but I have no mercy for grasshoppers after what they did to my Japanese maple this year, and considerably affinity for cats, so you can tell whose side I'm on. A very vivid little sketch from life.

Ravenblack said...

Thanks for all the comments, everyone. :)

eclipsingwinter said...

Oh, I like this. Although I read it after dark next to my fireplace, I could see and hear the activity in the lawn and feel the flying snips of grass. Well written.

Beth

mrs mediocrity said...

ha! yes... i could see it all, and with five cats can definitely relate. nice cycle of life circle you drew here.

Morning said...

amazing piece on grasshopper.
wow.

manicddaily said...

Very sweet rhythm here and UNDERCURRENT (of grasshoppers!) Nice movement.

Ravenblack said...

Beth, Morning, Mrs Mediocrity, manicdaily, thanks for the visit and feedback. :)

Ann LeFlore said...

so glad I did not miss your entry this week just a little slow to finding time to read it sorry I am so late to read this one. Normally I love to read as much as I can on Tuesday night thanks for sharing excellent entry
http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/10/18/farewell-my-three-legged-friend/

Luke Prater said...

love this. Esp the way you've rendered a slightly stilted, non-linear Narrative with the line-breaks and indents. <Lends it interest and just enough friction to keep a reader, not so much as to lose them. Great read

Ravenblack said...

Ann and Luke, thanks for your visit and comments. :)

dsnake1 said...

i like the mood here. a seemingly serene situation, but the reader is expecting something (nasty) to happen. a nice touch, a predator watching a predator watching a prey. :)

mairmusic said...

love the imagery in this!

johnallenrichter said...

Now that! Dear Ravenblack, is a poem! How beautifully descriptive and the amazing images it brings... But pray tell, what does your calico do with his grasshopper? I would like to watch that.... :)

Ravenblack said...

dsnake: in nature, something is always watched. Who is watching us? 0_0 :D

marimusic: thanks!

John: :D Sometimes they just stalk for the sake of stalking too. Thanks for your comments!

Jeff said...

I think we've all had a day every now and then when we feel like grasshoppers . . . is there no one after us?

I like the lilting rhythm of your piece, whimsical, soft and breezy like Spring.

It might be a complete afternoon: a grassy knoll, a cold mug of beer, lilac breeze and your poem.

Cheers!

Ravenblack said...

Love your comment, Jeff. Especially would like that cold mug of beer and that breeze. :) Thanks for your visit.

Ravenblack said...

BTW, Jeff, should you come back this way, I have visited your blog but am blocked from being able to leave comments. I can't find your email to tell you either. I really liked your poem, "Thanks".