Sweet
“It was very sweet of her to say that.”
Not exactly right to say that her words
are as sweet as over-ripe strawberries
or candy cane on Christmas eve
after a turkey ham and cheese sandwich;
too sweet, as a matter of fact, it makes your molars
weep at the roots and your fillings vibrate like
they've been touched by tuning forks, bringing a sharp
pitch to the ears like the whirl of a dentist drill.
Delight?
“I don't think so.”
***
A number of my work are conversational snapshots. I had this one in draft and thought I share it.
Submitted for dVerse Poetics: Call and Response. I already read a few on that link list, and they are excellent. Even if you don't join, I urge you visit and read the poems listed there.
22 comments:
'too sweet' 'makes your molars
weep at the roots and your fillings vibrate like
they've been touched by tuning forks, bringing a sharp
pitch to the ears like the whirl of a dentist drill.'
Ouch ~ went right through me ~
the sound of that drill ~
how apt ~ 'tuning forks' ~
Nope not sweet at all ~
must have said that through gritted teeth :) ~
brilliant ~
~ Lib ~
Ah, some words are indeed just TOOOO sweet.
Eeuww! Your images convey the thought really well. K.
where did my comment go...hmmm...
yes sometimes sweet becomes too sweet...and rather painful as you describe...vivid in your description...smiles.
libithina, Mary, manicdaily and Brian: thanks for visiting. Hope I didn't give you guys too much of a toothache. ;)
Brian: Blogspot acting up again, I think.
In case my last comment got lost - I love this - the unstated behind a conversation, the unexpressed :)
As we say here 'kill them with kindness'. Evocative poem that gave me shivers, great write!
i agree - there is a too sweet which leaves a bitter taste..well penned..
Nice piece Raven. It's definitely a nice snippet of conversation. I love starting scenes already in progress, it gives serves a number of purposes but anyhow this piece has that feel and really like how you the piece is set up and carried out. Great job, thanks
ouch! reminds me of an abscessed tooth I once had... some "sweet" people can be that way, too
I just love that 2nd stanza...the vibrating fillings? Bwa ha ha!
Thanks for the comments and feedback, everyone. :)
Sweet can be too sweet, oooh your fillings getting hit by a tuning fork...ugh...I felt that!
Oh, this is perfect!
pandamoniumcat and MamaZen: Thank you both!
Next time I read a saccharine poem I'm gonna feel it in my fillings!
i like it. you balance the very sweet taste with an acutely painful trip to the dentist. it's powerful that way, for me anyway.
Dark Angel: I sincerely hope not! :D
Ed: Thanks for the visit and feedback.
Recently had been to the dentist. Luckily everything is fine.
too sweet gets creepy here
Great one snap
feel kinda Sorry about my name!
:-)
Sweeter: :D
It's when they don't really mean it. :) Thanks for the visit!
Ravenblack, this is very inventive! I like it.
Thank you, Old Raven! :)
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